i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
