His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
