I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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