Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
