so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
