i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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