I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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