I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
