I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
