loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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