Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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