I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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