I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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