A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
