why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
