ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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