so that wasnt chicken after all
grandma shit on top of the toilet
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
