I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
