no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
