The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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