he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
