So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize