GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
