I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
