Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
