Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
