We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
