There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
