Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
