textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
