i just wanna soil my oats bro
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
