and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
