There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
