I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
