did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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