we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
