Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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