Christians are straight up FREAKS
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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