Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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