Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
