I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
