Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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