what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
