but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
