dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tell her she can't have a vagina
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
