Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
