Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
In America we eat man semen.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
