you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
