is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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