Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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