Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
