Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If I die, sorry about rent.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
