So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
