glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
