there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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