Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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