Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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