I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
