At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
