Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
