Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
