Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
