We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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