if only i could text you this smell
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
