Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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