About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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