3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
