I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
