I wish my penis had an off switch
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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