where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
